As I sit here early this morning, listening to the rain outside, I realize that I am again at a crossroads. Jackie purchased a print of the painting shown above at a gallery while we were in Asheville last year. It is by Jonas Gerard and is titled ‘Crossroads #1.’ “I think it is representative of where you are now,” she said. It is actually representative of where I am quite often, as I am sure it is with many of us. The print hangs in a prominent place in my studio.
I am at a creative crossroads right now. When I reach one of those, I generally know what I am going to do, because more often than not I have been working in one area and am preparing to move into another. A dear artist friend told me that being creative keeps us at a crossroads. I work off of lists and that helps, but there are days when I still don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything.
In other aspects of life, the crossroads lead to a place that we know is safe and secure, while the other leads to a place that is frightening and unknown. It is up to us to decide which road to take. For most of my life, I have taken the safe and secure road. I never really had the courage to chuck it all and follow what may or may not be. At this stage of my life, I’m beginning to kind of regret that, especially when I look back on the days of my youth. When we are young, the world is ahead of us. Some of us choose the safe route, while others follow the road into the unknown. If we fail, we are at another crossroads. The problem is that success very rarely happens overnight or on the first try. Success is usually always preceded by failure, often many times.
Throughout my youth and adolescent years, all that was drilled into me was, ‘go to college and the world will beat a path to your door.’ That may have been true at one time, but by the time I came of age it wasn’t really the case anymore. I was never taught any business skills. I learned how to earn money but not how to make money. I loved high school, but I was not a star student by any stretch of the imagination. I hadn’t applied to any colleges, so I enrolled at DeKalb Community College South Campus. That lasted about a quarter and a half. A typical day usually involved going to about two or three classes and then a bunch of us heading to Al’s Pizza House to drink beer.
After I flamed out of South Campus, I was lost. I kicked around in dead-end jobs for four years before deciding to enroll at DeKalb Technical College and study commercial art. The ironic thing was that the class was taught at South Campus. After graduation, I went to work for a sign shop and about a year later landed a job at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution working in the advertising art department. The safe and secure road was set.
Life now is different. Many of my friends and colleagues are retiring. Too many are passing away. It seems that every week, sometimes more often, we receive news of someone dying. I love reminiscing and writing about the years of our youth and thank you all for reading my scribblings. But with each passing day, I realize more and more that the most valuable commodity at this stage of life is time. In our youth we have months or even years to pursue our dreams. Those of us who are older often do not have that luxury. Honestly, I thought I would never be able to retire. I did not think that I had prepared well enough for it. I now realize that I was afraid to retire. I was afraid to take that leap and go down that unfamiliar road not consisting of grueling commutes, twelve-hour workdays and weekends on call. That’s not the case anymore. When and if I reach that crossroads, prepared or not, I know the route I am taking.