James Etheridge

Snowmageddon is ten years old this month, the 28th to be exact. I’m not going to get into the specifics of that, because we all have our stories about that particular day. It took me seven hours to make it from Smyrna to Conyers, a miracle that I will never be able to explain. It remains and always will be one of the greatest rides I ever had, definitely the greatest in my ’99 VW Cabrio. Looking back, I wish I would’ve had this little guy then. As a matter of fact, I wish I had it now. I’d ride him anywhere, snow or no snow.

Speaking of snow, I wish that we would get some. I retired two years ago and as many times as I braved the elements and drove in to work, at this stage of my life I would like to wake up one winter’s morn, look out the window to a blanket of snow and ice and say to myself, “I don’t have to go in today. I don’t have to go in tomorrow or the day after. I don’t have to call and check the company’s inclement weather hotline and I don’t have to take a day of vacation or be docked if I don’t make it in.” That hasn’t happened so far, and I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime within the next couple of weeks. Time will tell if that statement ages well.

Right now it’s just cold. Brutally cold, throughout most of the country, even in Florida. Florida is experiencing all four seasons over the whole state right now. So for all of my friends from north of the Mason-Dixon line, don’t tell me I don’t know what cold is. Sixteen degrees is cold, I don’t care if you’re from the North Pole.

Speaking of those from north of the line, this thought struck me while negotiating the perils of Snowmageddon. Atlanta is a city of transplants, not just a few from up north. They love to point out the so-called fact that we Southerners just don’t know how to drive in the snow and ice. As I sat on I-285 that day I looked at the hundreds of cars that were disabled and abandoned on the side of the road. Surely, I thought, they couldn’t just been the cars of us dumb ol’ Georgians who can’t drive in wintry weather. Surely, there had to have been a few that belonged to some of our neighbors from the north. No, that couldn’t have been possible, because they all know how to drive in the snow and ice, especially through the hills of Atlanta. If it would’ve been possible, I would have loved to stop and seen how many license plates on those vehicles were from Ohio, Pennsylvania, Indiana or New York.

The birds are cold too. They are slap going through some bird seed right now, emptying our two main feeders pretty much every day. Jackie has always said that I spend more feeding them than I do feeding us and right now I believe it. The other day she gave me a biscuit that was left over from breakfast and asked me to put it outside for the birds. I put it on the rail at the bottom of the steps leading down from the sunroom. Yesterday I went out to fill the feeder and tried to pick up the biscuit. It was frozen solid as a rock and stuck fast to the rail. I came in and told Jackie I didn’t think the birds would be eating any of it, at least not right now. I’ve been concentrating on keeping the feeders closest to the house filled because they are elevated and the squirrels can’t get to them. I don’t want the squirrels to starve or freeze but right now I’m more concerned about the birds.

My buddy Dave and I have been trying to get out and play golf this week, but that hasn’t happened. All the courses are closed anyway and besides, it’s just too damn cold. I love the game, but when it’s at close to freezing, it ceases to be fun. What’s fun is sitting around the grillroom having a few drams with your friends, telling stories and keeping warm. A fellow I used to work with was a tournament bass fisherman. He told me a story once of him and two of his buddies going fishing at West Point Lake in January when the weather was about like it is now. As they were riding down I-85, they passed Orchard Hills Golf Course, which was located next to the expressway near Newnan. One of his buddies leaned over and said, “Look at them idiots out there playing golf!” He was serious, too. Wayne said he thought about it for a second and then said, “Well, we’re getting ready to go sit out in a boat in the middle of a lake, so what’s the difference?” I guess it all depends on which endeavor drives you to brave the elements.

And what’s driving me to brave the elements right now is feeding the birds. I’m off to purchase my every other day bag of bird seed. I would buy a forty-pound bag from Ace Hardware, but the little suckers are picky. They only like the Laura Lynn brand from Ingles and the largest available is twenty-pound bag. The feathered little piglets will go through that in no time flat. I called them little suckers. Maybe that’s not the case at all. Maybe I’m the big sucker. There’s one of us born every minute, you know.