James Etheridge

“Hamburgers! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast!” Of course, hamburgers are not, as Samuel L. Jackson said in Pulp Fiction, the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. As a kid growing up, the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast was cereal, at least in my neighborhood. It was quick, easy and a lot of fun. Whenever I went with my mother to the Big Apple store in Gresham Park, my favorite part was going down the cereal aisle. After picking out my flavor of the week, I would head next door to Richard’s 5&10 and peruse the merchandise until Momma pulled up front in the Fairlane and tooted the horn.

My all-time favorite brand of cereal is Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes. They are simply corn flakes covered with a sugar frosting, although I think they’ve backed off on the sugar content over the years. Looking back, it’s funny how most of the cereals were touted as being “part of a nutritious breakfast.” Most kids didn’t care about that. All we cared about was if they tasted good and were fun to eat.

Huge breakfast cereal campaigns were aimed at kids, mainly television commercials that aired during Saturday morning cartoons. Most brands had cartoon characters as part of their marketing such as Cap’n Crunch, Sugar Bear, Toucan Sam, Snap, Crackle and Pop and Tony The Tiger. Cap’n Crunch had his own brand of cereal. He was a seafaring captain dressed like Horatio Hornblower and had a very distinctive voice. All of the characters did. Sugar Bear represented Sugar Crisps, which were oats covered with a sugar coating. He was a cool looking bear who wore a turtleneck sweater and had a silky smooth Southern accent. Toucan Sam showed up in the mid-Sixties as the spokesman for Froot Loops. Froot Loops were colorful loops of fruit flavored corn flour. Toucan Sam could smell a bowl of Froot Loops a mile away. “Follow my nose, it always knows!” he would say.

Snap, Crackle and Pop were the mascots for Rice Krispies. They were gnomes and their names were derived from the sounds that the cereal made when milk was poured over it. Tricks the Rabbit had an infatuation with Trix cereal that bordered on Wile E. Coyote’s obsession with the Road Runner. Like Wile E., Tricks’ schemes never worked, invariably ending with an obnoxious little boy snatching the bowl from him and saying, “Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!”

Tony The Tiger is undoubtedly the best known of all the mascots. “They’re grrrrrreat!” was his slogan for Frosted Flakes. Thurl Ravenscroft, who incidentally sang the song, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” in the animated version of the Dr. Seuss story, originally voiced Tony. Tony even has his own college football bowl game named after him, the “Tony The Tiger Sun Bowl,” played in El Paso, Texas.

The marketing went direct to product as well. Cereals would have toys, coloring books, comic books and games in the boxes. These products were generally at the bottom of the bag of cereal in the box, so you would have to eat most of the cereal to get to the prize. That is, unless you took the bag out of the box, opened it, poured it into a bowl and claimed your treasure. You would then pour the cereal back into the bag and return it to the box. That’s because the back of the box usually had stories, word games and puzzles printed on the back, so you could read the box while you were eating your cereal.

Some prizes were not included in the box. You would have to send off for them instead and include a certain number of box tops. At some point in my childhood, I sent off for a set of sterling silver cereal spoons with several cartoon characters on the handles. I had Tony the Tiger, Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear and Woody Woodpecker. Tony and Yogi were the only two that survived and are now safely displayed in one of our cabinets. I don’t remember how many box tops I had to send in, but I recently found the set for two hundred dollars on Etsy.

Kellogg’s also advertised on prime-time television. At the beginning of the Beverly Hillbillies, when the family is riding in the truck, Jed points out something to Jethro. In season two, an extra verse was added with a Kellogg’s jingle while the camera panned to a Corn Flakes billboard. They also sponsored Dennis The Menace and The Huckleberry Hound Show. Post later introduced two cereals featuring The Flintstones, Fruity Pebbles and Cocoa Pebbles.

The big mills also produced variety packs. These were small boxes of their product line wrapped up in packages of ten per pack. Post usually had Alpha-Bits, Crispy Critters, Sugar Crisp, Honey Comb, Fruity Pebbles or Sugar Smacks. There were two of each cereal per package. Kellogg’s included Corn Flakes, Frosted Flakes, Cocoa Krispies, Sugar Pops and, their “healthy” cereal, Special K. Special K was usually the last one you ate, and they were pretty good if you loaded them up with sugar.

Another cool thing about the variety packs was that you could eat your cereal straight out of the box. One side of the box was perforated at the top, bottom and down the middle so you could open the box up, cut the back open on the inside, pour your milk in and chow down. The only thing with the variety packs was that there were no prizes in any of them, but being able to eat right out of the box made up for it.

Quaker didn’t have variety packs as I recall, most probably because their only two big-name cereals were Cap’n Crunch and Quisp. I refuse to even mention Quaker oatmeal. General Mills packaged up Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs, Trix, Frosty-O’s and Wheaties. Shredded Wheat wasn’t included in any of the variety packs because they were too big to fit into a small box, at least until Mini-Wheats came along. Shredded Wheat was roughage elevated to the highest level. It was like eating a small bale of hay and pretty much tasted as such unless it was, of course, loaded up with sugar.

Yes, there was a ton of sugar in the breakfast cereals back then. But the difference was after we finished loading up on Frosted Flakes, doctored-up Special K or Shredded Wheat, we would turn right around and burn it all off by either walking or riding our bikes to school. On Saturdays or during the summer, we would go out and play all morning before coming in for lunch, which usually consisted of a PB&J or baloney sandwich, potato chips and iced tea or a soft drink. Then we’d go back outside and play until dark. Calvin, the protagonist of my favorite all-time comic strip, “Calvin and Hobbes,” ate a brand of cereal called Little Chocolate Sugar Bombs. There never were any Little Chocolate Sugar Bombs, but Calvin also played outside all the time and had an incredibly vivid imagination.

I was in the grocery store a few days back and went down the cereal aisle to pick up a box of Honey Nut Cheerios for Jackie. As I walked down the aisle, I was struck by how many of the brands that we grew up with are still on the shelves. They have stood the test of time, although a couple of them have changed. Sugar Crisp is now Super Golden Crisp. Sugar Bear is still on the box and his name is on his blue shirt. Sugar Smacks are now Honey Smacks. Dig ‘Em the frog is still their spokesman.

Over the years, marketing and parents have become more nutrition conscience. Sugar content has dropped in most of the sweetened cereals and more balanced breakfasts including fruits and proteins are encouraged. That is certainly not a bad thing. But for the most part, children are not as active as past generations. I may sound like a Grumpy Old Man, but kids today simply do not burn off energy on a daily basis the way we did. Educational resources, games and socializing are all online now. The world is literally right at our fingertips. And that is a double-edged sword. I am able to share my thoughts, memories and observations with all of you thanks to innovations and advancements over the last twenty years. I am grateful for that and will be the first to admit that technology can be a great thing. But so is getting up on Saturday morning, watching Loony Tunes, eating Frosted Flakes right out of the box, then going outside and spending all day with your friends building a fort. Now THAT’S the great thing about being a kid!